Uncover Assisi's Hidden Gem: Colle Degli Olivi's Olive Oil Secrets!
Uncover Assisi's Hidden Gem: Colle Degli Olivi’s Olive Oil Secrets! - My Honest Review (Brace Yourself!)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, ‘cause I just got back from Colle Degli Olivi, and let me tell you, it’s a vibe. This isn't some perfectly polished travel blog post; this is raw, unfiltered me spilling the Umbrian beans (and hopefully some of that divine olive oil).
First Impressions (and Slightly Scuffed Shoes):
Getting there? Easy peasy… ish. Airport transfer was a godsend (more on that later, bless the taxi driver!). The location? Spectacular. Perched on a hillside overlooking Assisi, the views are, and I’m not exaggerating, jaw-dropping. Picture postcard stuff. Seriously, I spent a solid hour just staring out the window when I first arrived, drooling over the landscape. And let's talk about the car park - free! This is HUGE, trust me. Found it, navigated it, and parked the car (I’m not a parking ninja, just saying). Now, I have to admit, my shoes got a little muddy on the way to reception. Guess I should've known better than to wear white sneakers to the countryside. My first impression? "Well, at least the view is stunning, even if my shoes are not."
Accessibility: Mostly Accessible! (Phew!)
Colle Degli Olivi hits the mark on accessibility, and I was pretty impressed. The lobby and certain areas (like the restaurants and some common areas) are wheelchair accessible. Very comforting! They even mention facilities for disabled guests, which is a big plus in my book.
Food, Glorious Food (and My Slightly Regretful Choices):
Alright, let's talk food. Because, let's be honest, that's 80% of the travel experience, right?
- Restaurants: There are restaurants, plural! Yay! A la carte, buffet, you name it. The poolside bar was a lifesaver for those midday aperitifs. Loved the views from there. Western and International cuisine (more on that later).
- Breakfast: Buffet breakfast was good, but I'm not gonna lie, I skipped it one day in favour of indulging in room service (Asian breakfast option, just to shake things up a bit - not my best life choice, it turns out. Stick to the Western breakfast, people!). The breakfast takeaway service is a plus for early risers.
- Dinner: The A la carte restaurant was divine. Seriously. The pasta dishes were… chef’s kiss. I’m literally drooling thinking about it. Unfortunately, my attempt at ordering something exotic (Asian cuisine) was… less successful, shall we say? My palate is apparently not as cultured as I'd thought. Stick to the local stuff – it’s worth it.
- Snack Bar: Perfect for those mid-afternoon snack attacks.
- Desserts: Don't even get me started. My waistband is still recovering.
The Olive Oil Secret (and My Deep Dive Disaster):
Okay, here's the thing. The whole reason for my visit? The olive oil. Colle Degli Olivi touts this as a major selling point, and I was intrigued. I imagined myself, a sophisticated olive oil aficionado, swirling, sniffing, and proclaiming the subtle notes of… well, whatever olive oil notes are.
The truth? I went on a "deep dive" into the olive oil "secrets." (I'm using air quotes because it wasn't quite the secret I'd hoped for.) The tasting was… fun, but I might have overindulged a little too much. Let's just say my sophisticated palate might have been slightly compromised by a hefty pour (it was really good olive oil, though, I swear!). This is the bit where I admit I spent an entire afternoon wandering around smelling like an olive grove and trying not to embarrass myself in front of the other guests. Moral of the story: Pace yourself. Maybe take notes.
Relaxation Station: Spa Time (And My Inner Zen Fails):
The spa! Oh, the spa! They've got it all: pool with a view, sauna, steam room, massages, body scrubs, body wraps, the works. I was determined to achieve enlightenment.
I booked myself a massage. I envisioned myself melting into the massage table, emerging a tranquil, glowing goddess. What actually happened? Well, the massage was bliss, for about 20 minutes. Then, my brain decided to go rogue. I started obsessing over my to-do list (bad!), worrying about the aforementioned olive oil incident (mortifying!), and wondering if I needed to shave my legs. (Seriously?!) It was a total fail for achieving enlightenment, but the massage was good (even if I was a stressed mess for most of it).
Cleanliness and Safety: Feeling Safe and Spoiled (in a Slightly Overwhelmed Way):
They're taking safety seriously, which is a huge relief in these times. Anti-viral cleaning products, daily disinfection, staff trained in safety protocol, – all great. They also have hand sanitizer everywhere and seem to be following the hygiene certification guidelines.
Rooms and Amenities: Comfortable… With a Few Quirks:
My room was… fine. Clean, comfortable, and had a fantastic view (again, the view!). Free Wi-Fi was a lifesaver, and the air conditioning worked like a charm (crucial, especially in the summer heat).
Now for the little hiccups: I had a room with a connecting doorway which I wasn’t thrilled about, as I felt like I would hear everything (luckily, it's pretty soundproof.) And the in-room safety box was a pain to operate. But, I'm also not going to lie, they have bathrobes, slippers and complimentary tea which is a HUGE bonus!
Getting Around: Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy:
- Airport transfer was a lifesaver. Seriously, book it.
- Car park: free! See above.
For the Kids (aka, My Daydream About Babysitters):
I didn't travel with any kids, but they have plenty to offer for families: babysitting service, kids facilities, kids meals. It seemed like a very family-friendly place.
The Good, the Bad, and the Olive-Oil-Smeared:
Pros:
- The View: Seriously, it's worth the price of admission alone.
- Food: Delicious, especially the local specialties.
- Spa: Relaxing (once you manage to silence your brain).
- Cleanliness and Safety: They’re taking it seriously.
- Staff is friendly.
Cons:
- The olive oil tasting (my fault for overdoing it).
- My inner Zen is elusive.
- The connecting room situation (slight paranoia).
Overall:
Colle Degli Olivi is a gem. It's not perfect, but that's part of its charm. It's a place where you can soak up the beauty of Umbria, indulge in delicious food, and (hopefully) relax. Just, maybe pace yourself with the olive oil. And bring earplugs if you are overly sensitive. (Or a therapist. Just in case.) Would I go back? Absolutely. Just hopefully, with a slightly more sophisticated palate (and a less-rambunctious brain). SEO and Metadata:
- Title: Uncover Assisi's Hidden Gem: Colle Degli Olivi's Olive Oil Secrets! - My Honest Review!
- Meta Description: A hilariously honest review of Colle Degli Olivi near Assisi, Italy, covering everything from the stunning views and delicious food (and my epic olive oil fail!) to the spa, accessibility, and safety measures. Read before you book!
- Keywords: Colle Degli Olivi, Assisi, Umbria, Italy, hotel review, olive oil, spa, restaurant, accessibility, family-friendly, travel, Italy, food, hotel, experience, honest review, funny travel review.
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og:title: Uncover Assisi's Hidden Gem: Colle Degli Olivi's Olive Oil Secrets! - My Honest Review!og:description: Read an honest and hilarious review of Colle Degli Olivi near Assisi. Learn about the food (and my olive oil disaster!), the spa, and more.og:image: (Insert a compelling image of the hotel or view)og:url: (URL of your blog post)og:type: articletwitter:card: summarylargeimagetwitter:title: Uncover Assisi's Hidden Gem: Colle Degli Olivi's Olive Oil Secrets! - My Honest Review!twitter:description: Honest, funny, and relatable review of Colle Degli Olivi near Assisi. Food, fun, and my olive oil adventure!twitter:image: (Insert the same image)- Categories Covered (with variations for SEO):
Okay, buckle up, buttercups. This isn't your sterile, brochure-perfect itinerary. This is my potential disaster/triumph in Assisi, Italy, surrounding the Colle Degli Olivi B&B. We're going for messy, real, and hopefully, hilarious. Here goes nothing…
Assisi: The Olive Grove and the Existential Dread (and, you know, some sightseeing)
Day 1: Arrival and the "Olive Oil" of Self-Discovery (Or Getting Lost)
- Morning (aka, "Pray I make it"): Arrive at Florence Airport (FLR). I say "arrive," but let's be honest, airports and me have a strained relationship. Picture me, fumbling for my passport amongst a sea of crumpled receipts and emergency snacks (hello, stale granola bar, my old friend). Rental car pickup: pray to all the gods it's the tiny Fiat I booked and not a monster truck. Driving in Italy? A terrifying ballet of honking and near misses. Wish me luck.
- Afternoon: The drive to Assisi. GPS: You're my only hope! I'm already picturing myself weeping on the side of a winding Tuscan road, completely lost and surrounded by bewildered sheep. The goal: Colle Degli Olivi. The dream: a picturesque arrival, maybe a sun-drenched porch, a welcome drink… the reality: probably accidentally driving into a ditch and needing a local to rescue me.
- Late Afternoon/Evening: FINALLY - fingers crossed, I made it! Check into Colle Degli Olivi. Pray the room isn't haunted. First impressions: The view better be as stunning as the website promised, because after that drive, I deserve it. After that, explore the immediate vicinity: The B&B's website mentioned olive groves, which could lead to a good photo or some existential dread with the olive trees: I will be spending my downtime and reflect.
- Evening: Dinner. Here's where it gets real. Searching for a Trattoria somewhere, hopefully not too touristy. I'm aiming for pasta, maybe a local wine (prosecco, preferably, because bubbles). I will be by myself, but I’m not scared: that will allow me to enjoy the food and think. I can write my experiences and make some reflection about the trip. After the restaurant, walk and enjoy the place.
Day 2: Saints, Shadows, and the Persistent Lure of Gelato
- Morning: Basilica di San Francesco d'Assisi. Okay, this is serious. I'm not a religious person, but everyone raves about this place, and art and history are my jam. I will go at the moment that most people are gone from there. I'm expecting to blown away by the frescoes, maybe feel a little something spiritual (or, you know, just get a crick in my neck from staring up). Quick opinion: if the place is overrun with tour groups, I'm out.
- Mid-Morning: Wandering the medieval streets. See the streets, maybe visit the Rocca Maggiore (the fortress). I'll stumble upon a hidden piazza, get wonderfully lost, and possibly have an existential crisis over how much time I spend on social media.
- Lunch: A sandwich and a pastry. Something quick and easy. A little corner bistro or a sandwich at some bar.
- Afternoon: The Gelato Investigation. This is crucial. My research (mostly online, fueled by excessive anticipation) points to a gelato shop on the main street. My mission: Find the best gelato in Assisi. Flavors: pistachio, nocciola, and a dark chocolate… or all of them? This is very important. I WILL GO TO MANY GELATO SHOPS. This is where I could get a bit messy: maybe a second or third gelato? I will get the best one, and I will be happy.
- Evening: Sunset from a viewpoint, hopefully with other humans and some wine. I'll find a cozy Trattoria for dinner (I'm thinking, maybe, some truffle pasta because, Italy). I'll start journaling, feeling a mix of joy and "what am I doing with my life?"
Day 3: Olive Oil Obsessions, Pottery Dreams, and Farewell Feels
- Morning: Back to Colle Degli Olivi: Let's focus on the heart of the experience with this B&B: the olive. Here goes my olive oil obsessed day . I need to know everything about this olive oil: how is it made? What is the difference between this olive oil and the ones that I buy? If there is a tour this is the moment. Also, if the B&B allows it maybe a tasting course. This is the pinnacle of the trip!
- Mid-Morning: Shopping for gifts and souvenirs. I don't want the super touristy gifts.
- Lunch: A nice meal somewhere.
- Afternoon: Time to go. Get ready for the flight back home.
- Evening: At the airport, I am going to reflect on the trip. Also, I might write some last thoughts, and share with the world.
The "Mess" Factor:
- Getting Lost: I'm not promising I WON'T get lost. In fact, I'm almost guaranteeing it. Google Maps will be my savior (or my ultimate betrayer).
- Food Fails: There's a high probability I'll order something I don't like, or overindulge.
- Emotional Rollercoaster: Expect to see me overwhelmed by the beauty, frustrated by the crowds, and possibly shedding a tear (or five) at a particularly stunning sunset. This is life!
- The "Perfect" Photo Illusion: The pictures I take might not be Instagram-worthy. They'll be real, though. They'll probably include me looking slightly disheveled and bewildered.
- Last-Minute Changes: Plans? Those are guidelines. I will be following my gut, which may lead me down a rabbit hole of deliciousness or, well, let's just say it's going to be an adventure.
So, there you have it. My chaotic, potentially amazing trip to Assisi. Wish me luck. I'll need it. And if you see me, looking lost, covered in gelato, and muttering about olive oil, come say hi. We can commiserate. Or maybe just share a gelato.
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Uncover Assisi's Olive Oil Secrets: Colle Degli Olivi - Ask Me Anything (and Maybe Regret It Later...)
Okay, real talk: Is this olive oil *actually* worth schlepping all the way to Assisi for? My feet hurt just thinking about it.
Ugh, your feet? Honey, I get it. Assisi's a *walking* town. And yes, to your question. YES. Okay, let me back up. The first time I went, I'd spent a solid week bouncing between museums and feeling utterly underwhelmed by everything… honestly, I’d started thinking maybe I was just a Philistine. Then, on the recommendation of this tiny, incredibly grumpy Italian nonna running a B&B (she looked at me like I'd personally insulted her tomatoes), I stumbled upon Colle Degli Olivi. And… BAM! Suddenly, *flavor* entered my life. It was like a whole new dimension opened up. Seriously, the *smell* of the oil is intoxicating – you can almost taste the sunshine, the Umbrian hills, everything! And then… the taste. This vibrant, peppery, greeny goodness… Forget the aches, forget the crowds, forget the mediocre pizza. This olive oil, it’s a transformative experience. Okay, maybe not quite a religious experience, but close.
What’s the *actual* process of making the oil? Like, is it just… olives, a giant press, and then *poof* oil? Because I'm picturing a simpler life than I've got.
Haha! If only, right? It’s way more involved and totally fascinating. I got to watch the process (thank god for patient Italian speakers, I only know "ciao" and "grazie"!) at Colle Degli Olivi. They hand-pick the olives (and I mean *hand-pick* – no, I didn’t participate, thank you very much), and then, and then… the olives get washed, crushed, pressed, and filtered. There's this giant, gorgeous stone mill from ages ago. The whole process takes hours, depending on the batch. Then they age it... It's a total labor of love. It's really cool to see the care they put into every single step. Now, I can't pretend I followed every detail; honestly, after the first hour, my brain started to glaze over (blame the Umbrian sun, I say). But the crucial thing is, every step is done with intention, and this attention to detail is what makes the difference. And I learned it's *not* a simple life. It’s a life devoted to the olive. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
Where can I actually *find* this liquid gold? And am I going to have to beat off hordes of tourists with a baguette to get a bottle? (Because that's the kind of travel I'm not into.)
Okay, so the good news and the bad news. The good news is: you can absolutely buy the oil, in Assisi itself, at Colle Degli Olivi’s little shop. The bad news? Yes. It can get a little… crowded. On my last visit, there was a pack of aggressive Americans (no offense to any of you, I am one myself!), and all I wanted was the *olio nuovo*. You know, the freshest stuff? It was a battle. Strategic elbow placement is KEY. My own bottle was almost crushed by a particularly rambunctious German man. I swear he was trying to bulk buy the entire stock! However, it's worth the fight. They also sometimes offer tastings as part of a tour, so check their website or call ahead. But seriously, go early, and be prepared to channel your inner Gladiator.
What does this olive oil actually *taste* like? Like, what should I expect? Should I bring a notebook and try making tasting notes? (I'm a bit extra.)
Okay, here's the deal. You can try all you want to be sophisticated, and pretend to know the terms "fruity," "bitter," and "pungent." But the truth? It tastes like *heaven*! Seriously. It's incredibly vibrant and fresh. You can feel a slight peppery kick at the back of your throat - a sign of the good stuff. It's so different from the generic, mass-produced stuff that I usually buy. It’s like comparing a cardboard box to a Ferrari. And no, you do not need a notebook. Though I wouldn't judge I also have lots of notebooks. Just enjoy it. Drizzle it on some crusty bread (buy some from the bakery down the street – it’s practically a religious experience itself), use it to make a basic salad, or just drink it straight from the bottle (kidding… mostly). The thing is, it's versatile; it will up your food game, is my point. And I'm saying this as someone who burns water sometimes. So yeah, it's good.
Is there anything *else* to do there? Besides just olive oil, I mean. I don't want to spend my entire vacation just obsessing over a condiment. (Although... tempting.)
Okay, okay, I understand. While I could happily camp out in their olive grove, nibbling on bread and sipping oil for a week, Assisi has other things to offer. (Although, *why* is beyond me!) There's the Basilica of San Francesco, which is, you know, pretty impressive. The views are breathtaking. The art is stunning. The crowds are… overwhelming. I went, I saw, I survived. Then, there's the charming medieval streets, the shops selling everything from religious trinkets to… more olive oil! There's a cute little cafe where you can sit and watch the world go by... and it’s a perfect spot to just… be. Just be. All I'm trying to say is yes to everything you do and eat and drink there! It just fits in with everything else there.
Is it expensive? I’m on a budget, you know. I can't be dropping a fortune on fancy olive oil... though I do love a good dip.
It's... more expensive than your average supermarket oil, yes. But here's what I say: It's worth it. Think of it this way: you're investing in an experience, in a taste of Italy, in… a tiny bit of happiness. Also, a little goes a long way. A drizzle is all you need to transform a simple meal. So, yes, it is a step up in price, but trust me on this. It's not like buying fancy perfume. The whole bottle won’t vanish after you spray it once and then never wear it again! And, you know, for those budget trips, save on souvenirs and buy yourself the gift you'll actually *use*. It’s an investment in your sanity, I say! And your taste buds. Okay, I'm starting to sound utterly obsessed again. I’ll stop now.
What if I hate it? What if I get there, taste the oil, and think it's just…Backpacker Hotel Find
